Judgment - 8:00-3:00

You’ve poked fun at the idiosyncrasies of others more than once before. Whether it was at the fact they walk around with checkered shoes or they need extra help in a class. I wish I were as perfect as you. I wish I could be without any flaws, immune to discrimination. However, as it stands I am a skinny geek who has been cut down a fare share. And I can assure you that as great an act you present the checker shoed, green haired skid with the pin-infested jacket is laughing at it. You lack the courage to stray from the norm so you point and giggle at the ones who do. All that makes you a “unique snowflake” are your fingerprints and what you do in your cheerleading outfit in front of the mirror when no one is home. The real you exists only behind your layer of make-up and your Quiksilver wardrobe. Can you imagine what one day at high school would be like if the norm was no longer? If it were “cool” to be overweight and mentally handicapped? Where the “Skids” made fun of you for having the minimum amount of flare (Office Space)? Would you be able to handle it? Or would you gain weight so you could join the fat kids in burning the jocks? Would fear of being discriminated make you go so far as to dye your hair neon in hopes of being accepted by the groups you now whisper insults about?
Does another’s weight affect you in anyway? Hell, they are being forced to buy two seats on a plane just so it is convenient for you. The gays are being allowed to marry! Oh Lord no! Get your torches and pitchforks; let’s go straighten these guys out. At the risk of being didactic, something my Amazing English teacher Mrs. Layton said never to do, I think we should all be weird and accept each other’s oddities. But as it stands, we are trapped in a society where “gay” has become a synonym for stupid and it doesn’t look like it’s going to change any time soon, as you would probably laugh if it did. So get a good rest because tomorrow our Judgment runs from 8:00 to 3:00.

-Teck

Can we be Alone Together?

Are you a Philosopher?

You are, good, then please “consider the following”:
(Sorry Nye but you’ve been out of the picture since 7^th grade I don’t think coining the term is going to save your career.)

Let’s start at the beginning. About a week into my term in hell, some call it Wal-Mart, I call it hell. (It may seem like it’s just a nice place to shop, having “everyday low prices” and smiling clerks, but it’s not. Although being the largest company in the world (based on revenue) allows them to sell certain items at a loss, the smiles are as manufactured as what you’re buying. You see, there is a little thing Sam Walton likes to call the “Three Metre Rule”. A sign every Wal-Mart employee spots before setting foot on the floor states that whenever within three metres of a customer we must smile. As much as we may loathe the fact that you are purchasing goods from our evil employers we cannot so much as give you a sour glance. Over exaggerating? No, you need to see “Wally World” for what it is. Unfortunately, it has taken me a year and a half to realize that and I will soon escape!) I was asked/told/forced to clean the “Smoke Shack” (A place where zombies, slaves to their cancers (that one's for you James Wade), go to suck ash) which basically consisted of me taking out their coffee filled garbages. This time was different. Amongst the half filled Double-quad-mocha-cappuccino-toffee-mocha-lattes lay a car alternator. An alternator that would lead to a new style that I didn’t much care for: Double-quad-mocha-cappuccino-toffee-mocha-latte covered Dickies. I was unable to go home and change as the people demanded a contraption that carried their goods for them. Needless to say it was a horrible Double-quad-mocha-cappuccino-toffee-mocha-latte-ridden day and it was also the last day I ever cleaned the Cancer Shack. So, naturally, when asked very politely by a colleague of mine to clean it once more I said “I’ll try” (F-You). To which she replied “Do or do not, there is no try.”
Now, is it just me or is she attempting to step a little outside her boundaries as a Wal-Mart employee? I do not believe philosophizing cart boys is in your job description. I think you should be stocking some shelves. Perhaps while you’re on your break, in between sucking on your thought controlling cylinder and talking about how wasted you were last night you can tidy-up your own damn shack.
If you decide to take the path of the theorist, which I do not suggest, you should really come up with your own thought provoking aphorisms. Taking them from fictional characters isn’t working too well for you. Yes, Yoda, the Jedi Master himself said that in a galaxy far, far away before any Wal-Mart employee tried to pass themselves off as a Philosopher.

...I shoulda said that.

-Teck

Alix? Are you there? ...Oh well.

You’ve Ran Out of Sound

You like music. Yeah, you do. YES! You do. Stop it I know you like music so just give up already. Thank you…Anyways, as I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me: You like music. No. You love music. You love it so much I would tell you to marry it if you weren’t getting bored of it so quickly. Sure, you’ll listen to the music you’ve got. But every once in a while when your old music isn’t watching you’ll hunt for something new. Something with a certain Je ne ce qui (Correct my French). It’s okay I won’t tell your old music; in fact I’m going to help you with your search. With the tool I am about to share with you your musical taste will expand far outside your circle of friends. No more consulting iTunes or Amazon when you want to find music similar to your old favourites. No! With this tool you will find new favourites. Excited? Shut-up! Yes you are you love it!
The application I have been getting you jacked for is called Pandora. Make sure your old music isn’t looking first. What this cute little app is going to do for you is take the names of your oldies (Artist/Song) and it will spit out a playlist of music it thinks you’ll enjoy. Unlike the services you’re using now Pandora doesn’t take all the people who’ve bought the same music as you and tell you the second most popular CD amongst that group. Instead it takes your favourite artist or song and feeds it through a very strong filter. They have 400 very skilled musicians working on this thing so you know it’s good. What these wonderful people have done is gone through all kinds of music song by song and analyzed it according to voice, pitch, key, guitar, bass, drums, what have you. Thus born is the Music Genome Project.
Oh! You’re there huh? Got it all setup, cool. Yep, that’s all you have to do, toss in an artist or song in there and out pops hours of free music. Oh? Yeah, I’ve gotten a couple of songs I don’t like as well but if you hit that little thumbs down in the “Guide us” menu it’ll fix that problem. And if you really like something there’s a thumbs up button right there too! I’ve been using it for about a week now and I love it. With 400 musicians doing on average a song every half an hour Pandora is adding 7-8 thousand songs a month. You love it don’t cha? Argh! I’m done talking to you!

-Teck

Click dem Google ads!

Da B-Day Rave

rave

n 1: a dance party that lasts all night and electronically synthesized music is played

And rave we did. 'Til the wee hours of the night we danced to songs such as Candy man, The Space Jam theme and even the song that many of us referred to as "Roxbury". We sang along, swung from ropes and climbed balconies. But why am I telling you all of this? You were there! I pass you everyday in the hallway without so much as a “hello”. Yet when our eyes met it seemed it was the first time in years. We hugged “It’s good to see ya!” I see you everyday. “Remember that time…” You remembered, we laughed. “Have you hit this yet?” I pointed to the jubilee of candy round my neck. You hit it (top left). Awesome.
Unfortunately, we were split up soon thereafter by the Pushor Parade (right), never to speak again. Well at least not until the next party.
Why is it that there are certain people we only talk to at parties? That little bit of awkwardness that can be surpassed with a few drinks is keeping you and I from having a flourishing relationship. You’ve got your friends, family, doctors and acquaintances. I say we abolish the latter! Instead of only talking to you when I’m cornered or drunk I’m going to learn everything about you. From your favourite movie to what you do when you’re alone. Creepy?

-Teck
Dance up on me

The Blog has begun

It's been a long time comin'. I have finally decided to take a whack at this whole bloggin' thing. As you may or may not know there are thousands of blogs out there. A blog is kind of like an online journal that many use as a tool to rant, inform or just talk about there day. I intend to do all three and if you would like you can accompany me on this journey.

Working at Wal-Mart affords me certain privileges such as seeing the kind of scum our world produces. So, frequenting this blog you be able to understand the insanity that consumes some people.

But ranting is not all this web log will afford you. Oh no! You will also be informed on the subjects I know most about. I’ll try my best to keep you up on advances in the world of technology, security flaws (for you Windows users out there), Helpful tools and apps and some cool stuff that you might not know about.

Along with the rest you’ll be kept up to date on what’s new in my world. I’m glad you’ve joined me and hope to see you again soon.

Check ya later!

-Teck

Edit: I'd love it if you would leave your thoughts behind in the comments section. Thanks!