FW: Pleeeeeaseeeeeeeee Quit It!

Recently, I received a message in my inbox that was meant to touch my heart. A message intended to spawn sympathy from millions as it floods the inboxes of the gullible and, more importantly, intelligent. I believe myself to be included in the latter category as, when I am delivered a message saying that my E-mail account is going to be shutdown if I don’t forward this message, I don’t put forth the effort to send it. Hotmail will never make you pay for your account because: 1. Hotmail is owned by Microsoft, I don't know if you have heard of that company before but it just so happens to rake in quite a bit of cash. 2. MSN makes all of its money on advertisements, if they started charging for accounts they would have less people signing up and less people would want to advertise with them. 3. It is impossible to track how many times E-Mail gets sent from person to person.)
I am also often told that if I don’t forward this to 8 or more people I’m going to be lonely for the rest of my life. I’m here to tell you that you aren't going to be cursed with a bad love life, trust me, I quit forwarding these E-mails a very long time ago and I’m currently dating a beautiful girl and yes, she has consented to this relationship. If you honestly think that forwarding E-mail is going to get your thing wet, you are very sadly mistaken. That crush of yours will tell you exactly that, so instead of sending me a letter in hopes of gettin’ some, get out there and WORK IT!
The third type of chain-mail, the type that brings this rant to “Let’s Talk Teck” is the seemingly more frequent poor child cry:


“Dear: All,” in hopes of once and for all breaking the chain that inevitably leads to my inbox I am releasing a public announcement to those who still do not realize how much of a joke chain-mail is.
A great sign of scum in your inbox can be seen before opening the message as the subject will almost always read: “FW: THIS IS NOT A JOKE”, “FW: PLEASE READ” or the even more intriguing “FW: Pleeeeeaseeeeeeeee do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” as the Natalie E-mail. The people (for lack of a better word) sending these E-Mails are just a bunch of morons who think: "Wouldn't it be sweet if we wrote an E-Mail that got sent to thousands of people?" The answer, of course, is NO! It wouldn't be sweet, because I am always one of those thousand people.
If you read carefully…who am I kidding? If you read this at all you can tell it wasn’t written by a woman who desperately wants to save her child. The fact that she put quotation marks around a disease and didn’t take the care to use a spellchecker (“unfortunatly”) shows that she doesn’t care enough to put some effort into it. One of the biggest hints is the motive for keeping the chain going: if you send this E-mail AOL (who doesn’t have their logo on this picture at all, which is very odd considering their major push to sponsor “little Natalie” would be for good Public Relations) “have agreed to give us 5 cents (emphasis) to each person that received this e-mail.” The fact that I’m unsure as to what will happen if I do send this E-mail due to the very confusing message is irrelevant. For unless this E-mail is send to approximately 4 million people, the bill for the average chemotherapy treatment ($200, 000) will not be payable.
Natalie is not suffering from “ ‘Brain Cancer’ “and probably doesn’t even exist. However if she does exist, judging by the picture and the words “new born baby,” she isn’t more than a few months old so they can’t be too attached to her.

“Yours Sincere:”

-Teck

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Now quit scrolling, get out there and make that wish come true! 'Cause an E-mail sure as hell isn't gonna do it for you.